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My Worst Internet Dates~ Atreides ~ Worst Internet dates? Sorry, but I don't have any true horror stories to tell. Nevertheless, two do stand out in my mind, so I'll relate them to you here. Mary (all names changed, of course) was my first experience dating someone I'd met through the Internet. Yeah, that's the ticket. I hadn't learned better yet, and made any number of fumbles. One late Friday night, after a long work week, I agreed to meet her. The next day. In the morning. At seven o'clock, to be exact, to see her son perform in a parade. Forget the fact the she lived 90 minutes away, and what with taking care of all my S's (shit, shower, shampoo, shave . . .) I'd be hauling my butt out of bed at something like four in the morning to face someone I scarcely knew, even by Internet standards. Well, I did manage to wake up in time, although the drive south was rather a blur through my bleary eyes. In the interest of keeping this brief, from my perspective we had practically nothing to build on. I felt pressed to start or maintain any sort of conversation, there was absolutely no physical attraction, and my mind kept wandering back to thoughts of a nice, warm bed (even partner-less). The parade finally ended, I dropped her off at her house, politely declined an invitation to come in for a while, and pointed the car north. Oh, and made a mental note to get to know someone better before charging on in. Barb came along considerably later. She seemed nice, and we began a lengthy e-mail exchange. As time passed, the letters took on heavier and heavier erotic overtones. As close as I've come to making love to someone from 400 miles away. Interesting feeling, since I'm sure my penis isn't 400 miles and 8 inches long. We decided to be fair in getting together, and meet at a motel halfway. Let me assure you, there's nothing like a several hour drive to build up quite a testosterone level in a boy. We lasted perhaps ten minutes before we were ripping clothes off and headed for the bed the management had been kind enough to provide for us. I'll now jump ahead a bit, and spare you some of the intimate details (sorry if you're disappointed -- maybe later). I awoke at about 3am to find her dressing. When queried, Barb responded that I hadn't held her enough, and I had just wanted her for the sex. We wound up going to breakfast at Denny's to talk, after which she drove off into the rising sun while I went back to bed. At least I'd already learned not to go driving off bleary eyed. Once I did return, I found an apology; she said she'd just panicked. We picked up writing for a short while, but for whatever reason my heart wasn't in it any longer. So, like a number of these e-mail writing exchanges, we just faded out of one another's existence. The lesson here is similar to the first one: get to know someone in the conventional sense before getting to know them in the biblical sense. |
