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The New ERA • Stories & Stats • Breaking Up Isn't (necessarily) Hard To Do

Breaking Up Isn't (necessarily) Hard To Do
Chapters 1-8

~ Atreides ~

Once you've been writing a torrid stream of e-mail back and forth for a while, the only logical next step is to meet in the flesh (figuratively, if not necessarily literally). And, despite knowing all sorts of intimate facts about one another, it's still the equivalent of a blind dates. A few glorious successes, a few dismal failures, and a great many satisfactory yet nondescript dates.

Since I was looking for that permanent relationship, I rarely saw any reason to stretch out the dating process unless I saw at least a fair amount of potential for something to develop. I'm not willing to debate here the merits of that philosophy. As far as I'm concerned, it worked . . . at least for me. I found the woman of my dreams. Nevertheless, there wound up being nearly as many reasons for not seeing one another again as there were first dates.

I'm quite sure there are loads of lessons hidden away in here, but you will have to ferret them out for yourself. By the way, I've changed all the names mentioned herein. Each woman I met was, in her own way, sincere about wanting to meet me. It's not my intention to embarrass any of them by divulging their identities.

#1: Nothing in Common
My first Internet date. In retrospect, it was a complete mistake. But, I was enamored at the time with whole novelty of having all these women ready, willing, and able to meet me. So, after midnight one Friday evening, I agreed to meet her the next day. Two hours away. At seven in the morning to see her son perform in a parade. In short (besides struggling to keep the eyes open), I found that I had precious little to talk to her about, and was more concerned with finishing the "date" than watching the parade. Afterward, I politely declined her invitation to come inside, and drove off into the still rising sun.

#2: Accidents Will Happen
Our date was prefaced by my initiation into cybersex. It hadn't happened immediately, but moved into more erotic as we became more and more attracted to one another's writing. Even talked on the phone a few times . . . for hours. Naturally, we had to meet, so the following weekend found me driving to a park 150 minutes away. I can't quite put a finger on exactly why things didn't click in person the way they had remotely. If I had to guess, I'd have to say there wasn't a physical attraction on my part. Ah, the dangers of building up a mental image without at least seeing a photo first. Afterward, the poor gal even wrote to apologize for being such a poor kisser at the end of our date. And, left me with the unenviable task of explaining that it was hardly the kiss that had left me cold.

#3: Uptown Girl
An odd girl, who was (obviously) a veteran of the electronic dating scene. She'd already experienced the ups and downs, and peppered her e-mails with pointed queries; later admitting that she had prepared a four-page questionnaire for her potential suitors. We'd gotten through page three when we decided to meet at a bar for a baseball playoff game. Too bad, really, page four was allegedly the R-rated one. Nothing bad about the experience; I could even say I enjoyed being with her. Still, I didn't see us with much potential. So, we both pressed onward.

#4: Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind?
Finally, a woman I actually wanted to see a second time! While I can't claim to have been physically attracted to her, I did enjoy our dates together. However, fate intervened in the form of a response to an old ad that was still hanging around on match.com, which, simply put, bowled me over and left the knees (and other body parts) quivering. I consider myself a serial monogamist, even where dating is concerned. So, our third date consisted of a Chinese dinner, with ice cream afterward. The remainder of the dessert was my telling her that I was beginning a new chapter.

#5: I've Got a Dyslexic Heart
Just imagine! A pretty southern belle actually interested in little ol' me! She wrote, and referred me her ad. Everything about her seemed absolutely perfect, as if there really was such a thing. Even a picture was there: a cute, slim but shapely, blue-eyed blonde. What normal American boy wouldn't have been doing figurative cartwheels? Our first date found her driving 375 miles to meet me for a December weekend; and things were even better in person, if that is possible. Suffice it to say the hotel room I had reserved for her went unused that first night, and the weekend turned into a six-day date. After a few months, and a number of airplane flights, I knew I wanted us to move to the next level. I mentioned the "M" word -- marriage -- and she jumped at the chance. I flew back home quite happy and content. How was I to know -- at the time -- that I'd never lay eyes on her again. She was scheduled to fly northward to spend a week with me, about two weeks after that. That fortnight was filled with a steady progression of increasingly nasty e-mails, accusing me of being a bigot, having an inflated ego, not loving her, etc. The gist of it was, she never wanted to see me again. Ever. Even told me that if I sojourned there, she'd have me arrested for stalking. I never have quite figured it all out. My best guess is she quite simply got scared. She'd been married twice before; once to a Romeo, and once to a guy whose idea of recreation was to come home and beat her up. I possibly got re-classified into that group, although I'll never know for sure. Now, though, I don't really care.

#6: Touch and Go
Not just a sweet girl, but interesting to talk with, and local, too! We met at a restaurant, and spent several hours there. No, we weren't eating that whole time. We finally left, lightly kissed goodbye in the parking lot, and both agreed we should see each other again. After that, when I brought the issue up, she claimed we were "moving too fast." A second date is moving too fast? Oh, well, back to the hunt.

#7: Goodbye, Columbus
Another of those nice, but relatively nondescript women. We could possibly have become friends, had she not lived 150 miles south in Columbus. Neither of us had ruled out a second date, but it never happened. After a short while, she changed her job and we lost touch. Special aside: for more than one reason, have an e-mail address that's not linked to your employer.

#8: Do You Feel Like I Do?
I couldn't tell you with any great certainty exactly when we broke up. Closer to the truth might be that we broke up a few times, yet will still exchange e-mail on a very haphazard basis. She was -- is -- intelligent, lovely, had a charming European accent, and would do absolutely anything for me. And therein probably lay the problem. At the end of our second weekend together, she confessed that she loved me (something I'd already realized). The trouble was, that I couldn't respond in kind. I enjoyed being with her, but the spark wasn't there for me. Interpersonal chemistry can be so perplexing sometimes! So we parted . . . sort of. We each began dating others once more, but for some reason still agreed to a couple more weekend dates. An additional one was scheduled, but I called it off the week before; having met Cerissa the week before.

. . . to be continued.