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The Big Bad Lie in Cyber Relationships~ Javagirl ~ If I had a penny for every lie I've heard and have experienced from the cyberally dysfunctional people out there, I'd be rich. I was watching a really flash-n-trash talk show the other afternoon, a show I NEVER watch because it takes away from my computer time, and after watching the ludicrous people on there it dawned on me that there are many of us who have been lied to on the Net. Ladies and gentlemen, there is a sisterhood and brotherhood of those of us who have been manipulated in Cyber Space. Don't despair--you are not alone! Let's take a glimpse at the lovely, happy couple who appeared on the show: we had the 20something married couple with 2 kids from the Mid West. Hubby was cyberally involved with Older Lady from Michigan who didn't know he was married. Real-time wife reads in horror and shock the e-mails that hubby wrote to Cyber lady--yeah, they had Lady from CA as Riki's SURPRISE guest. (Lady from MI brought her loud mouthed, obnoxious friend--and WHY was she there? No reason but to act as mediator and chew out Jerko Hubby). The rub was that Hubby was going to meet Lady from Michigan at a MOTEL and gasp, he had even talked to her kids on the phone and gasp, told her the three little words, I love you! Are you shocked? Was I shocked? NO WAY! This is the long-running scenario that happens time and time again with the Lying Freaks on the Net. They may have a few different twists and turns but unfortunately the end result is the same: someone always gets hurt. You say, "But Javagirl, it's only CYBER SPACE!! No one takes these cyber relationships seriously." Ahhh, gather 'round closer, my cyber pals, and let's take a look at the common excuses as to why the BIG BAD LIE was told (these are actual quotes that have been told to me and my other friends online): "Yes, I'm married but my marriage is on the rocks and we're getting a divorce." (Translation: I'm married and will remain married and never plan to divorce my wife because I have a stylin' house in the 'burbs and my wife would take me for everything I'm worth and my BMW would get impounded, and there goes the summer house in the Poconos, and then there's my boat…..) "Ah, my boyfriend(girlfriend) and I are having problems." (Translation: I am not having sex in real time and I need your cyber bod now!! ) "I lied to you about my true identity and my name really isn't (so and so) and the fact that I have a live in girlfriend is of no consequence, because for all intent and purposes, I am single." (Translation: I'm a long-winded grad student who is utilizing the art of his B.S. (as in Bull**** not his degree) for the sake of hot cybersex and cannot think of a better excuse because I used all my other lines on the dippy, nubile co-ed I tutor, who also lies to her real time boyfriend about her cyber lover and the vicious cycle goes on and on….). "I love you and I never meant to hurt you." (Translation: for both men and women--Come on, baby, just call me and let's have phone sex . . . come 'on you know you want me . . . your cyber loins are aching for some one on one voice! Use that phone card number I sent you -- just do it, babe!) "I have never wanted you more in my entire Life than I want you right now!" (Translation: I'm incredibly excited by your cyber moans and groans, and this is the most action I've gotten since my ex-wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend dumped me on my sorry butt!) "I am going through some rough times in my life and I could use a friend." (Translation: I'm not getting any lovin' at home) "Why won't you give me your phone number?" (Translation: Why won't you let me talk nasty to you and slobber and grunt over the phone and utter Oh Babys, I'm gonna make you whinny like a horse, do it to me NOW while pleasuring myself in a phone booth a block from my house?" Do you see the pattern here? Do you see why the cyberally dysfunctional lie? They can sugarcoat it with I love yous and I need yous and I'm leaving my wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend for yous and am going to follow you to the ends of the earth, you are my soulmate, blah blah, but it boils down to them and their selfishness . . . they want it and they want it badly -- cybersex! Listen to me cyber pals, I too fell under their Magical Spell and my heart soared and my hopeless romantic self fantasized about meeting him and wanted to take it further than cyberspace and make him be My Reality. Unfortunately, it didn't work like that in the end. I was hurt and sad and recently, when I found out he would be only two hours away from me with a former love of his love from eons ago and still had no intention of meeting me, I wanted to ban him from every hotel within a 200 mile radius (not to mention the voodoo curses and hexes I've been memorizing), but it just isn't worth the heartache, sadness, and bitterness anymore. I have learned a very real and amazing lesson from what I encountered during the 2 years of this frenetic, kinetic, "our cool vibe thing going on" whatevership with Freaky East Coast Grad Student (by the way, I'm in California). First, when we deal with cyberspace, chat rooms, on-line dating services, and any on-line medium in which we connect with another human (if some can even be called HUMAN), we must remember we are dealing with real, live, feeling, breathing, thinking people on the other end of the screen. We feel love, we experience pain and our hearts can break. We may think this is a game---I did when I first started using the Internet for recreational purposes--but the Net is not a game. Honesty is always my best policy and I believe that lying will get you NOWHERE and honesty will you get you everywhere. You would think that I would hate the Internet and the Net men I've encountered along the way--with their lies of being single when they weren't and the fact they never, ever wanted to meet me, but I'm not bitter or negative anymore. Some of my friends thought I was a glutton for Internet punishment, but I signed up for a locals on-line matchmaking site this summer and have recently met a terrific, trustworthy, wonderful, gorgeous hunk-of-a man and I have the Internet to thank for my "match" . My good friend also met the "man of her dreams" (really, he is DREAMY!) from the same site and she is the biggest Net skeptic I know (she wouldn't dare enter a chat room!). I plugged through a summer worth's of not-so-good and good dates and it was an interesting experience. I learned why 35 year old men are still single and living at home, and what it feels like to be rejected and what it feels like to be thoroughly bored and want to walk out mid-date and what makes stressed out CPAs yell at singing waiters, both online and in real time. Like many of my cyber pals out there, I'm sure you have not only encountered duds but have made wonderful on-line friendships. I have met truly special people from around the world who I hope to meet some day and even if we don't meet, I'm glad that we crossed "cyber paths". They give me hope that there are still good and honorable and decent people who also believe in the old adage, "Honesty is the best policy." So my cyber pals, don't give up hope on the Net or in real time for that matter. Learn your lesson and move on and don't look back--the Liars are missing out on you and what you have to offer! Don't despair--your Cyber Prince or Princess will come! © 1999 by Javagirl. All rights reserved. |
