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The New ERA • Humor • Atreides' Pop Quiz for Females

Atreides' Pop Quiz for Females

Introduction • The Original Ad
Q&A 1-5 • Q&A 6-10 • Q&A 11-15 • Q&A 16-20 • Q&A 21-25

Greetings, and thanks for popping in for this not-so-little pop quiz!

Top score wins the grand prize: me (see description at end); to elope with at a mutually agreed upon time. Estimated retail value: priceless. Odds of winning depend upon number of entries received, not to mention creativity, emotion, and humor in your answers. I'll leave it to you to decide just how serious I am.

Instead of some long, boring essay telling you what a bright, witty, charming soul I am, it seemed like it might be fun to try something a little bit lighter. Hence, the questions below. If you're the skeptical type, however, you can find out a little bit more about the quiz-giver -- I'll throw out the basics regarding yours truly at the end. No peeking, now!

Simply check whatever is appropriate. Elaboration is not only invited, but greatly encouraged (extra credit will be lavished liberally). Ready? Great! Pick up your pencils (oops, keyboards). You have twenty minutes. And, by the way, none of these questions should be taken *that* seriously.

1. Are you a female?

[ ] A. Yes; born and raised.
[ ] B. Yes; but had to check to make certain.
[ ] C. Yes; thank heaven for Swedish plastic surgeons.
[ ] D. Define "female."
[ ] E. No.
[ ] F. __________________________________

2. My age group could be defined best as . . .

[ ] A. post-puberty.
[ ] B. post-college.
[ ] C. post-menopause.
[ ] D. Post All-Bran.
[ ] E. post-mortem.
[ ] F. __________________________________

3. My sexual preferences lean primarily toward . . .

[ ] A. men.
[ ] B. women.
[ ] C. battery operated appliances.
[ ] D. all of the above.
[ ] E. none of the above.
[ ] F. __________________________________

4. Although I might never admit it in public, a favorite film that I identify with is . . .

[ ] A. Sleepless in Seattle.
[ ] B. Fatal Attraction.
[ ] C. Gone With The Wind.
[ ] D. Nine and One-Half Weeks.
[ ] E. Casablanca.
[ ] F. Barbarella.
[ ] G. __________________________________

5. My current major vice is . . .

[ ] A. alcohol.
[ ] B. tobacco.
[ ] C. caffeine.
[ ] D. driving *way* too fast.
[ ] E. eating too much.
[ ] F. I'd rather not say, the FBI might be reading this.
[ ] G. __________________________________

6. The quickest way to my heart is . . .

[ ] A. one dollar bills in my garter.
[ ] B. twenty dollar bills in my garter.
[ ] C. flowers appearing without an occasion.
[ ] D. being there after a really bad hair day.
[ ] E. being there after a really good hair day.
[ ] F. the aorta.
[ ] G. __________________________________

7. I use my computer primarily for . . .

[ ] A. work (solitaire at work *doesn't* count).
[ ] B. play.
[ ] C. improving my social life.
[ ] D. ruining my social life.
[ ] E. a paperweight.
[ ] F. __________________________________

8. Could you fit into my Levi's (32x32)?

[ ] A. Yes, no sweat.
[ ] B. Yes, particularly if you're already in them.
[ ] C. Yes, holding my breath.
[ ] D. No way.
[ ] E. __________________________________

9. My favorite contemporary politician is . . .

[ ] A. Bill Clinton.
[ ] B. Bob Dole.
[ ] C. Ross Perot.
[ ] D. Prince Charles.
[ ] E. The Artist Formerly Known as Prince.
[ ] F. __________________________________

10. Your ex-whatever is . . .

[ ] A. a true friend.
[ ] B. a true fiend.
[ ] C. all of the above.
[ ] D. huh? What ex?
[ ] E. __________________________________

11. I wake up . . .

[ ] A. early enough to watch the sun rise.
[ ] B. early enough to hear the early birds eating those worms.
[ ] C. when the @#&*! alarm goes off.
[ ] D. well after the @#&*! alarm goes off.
[ ] E. when nature calls (not those early birds)
[ ] F. __________________________________

12. My abode is decorated primarily . . .

[ ] A. Early American.
[ ] B. Contemporary.
[ ] C. Danish Modern.
[ ] D. Goodwill.
[ ] E. as however the kids left it that particular day.
[ ] F. __________________________________

13. I look my best in . . .

[ ] A. a business suit.
[ ] B. a business suit, with Victoria's Secret underneath.
[ ] C. leather.
[ ] D. vinyl.
[ ] E. handcuffs.
[ ] F. designer sheets.
[ ] G. cut-offs and t-shirt.
[ ] H. anything with heels.
[ ] I. my birthday suit.
[ ] J. __________________________________

14. I collect . . .

[ ] A. baseball cards.
[ ] B. dolls.
[ ] C. experiences.
[ ] D. scars.
[ ] E. boyfriends.
[ ] F. __________________________________

15. My most outstanding feature(s) starting with the letter "B" is/are my . . .

[ ] A. breasts.
[ ] B. brain.
[ ] C. bouffant.
[ ] D. bankroll.
[ ] E. butt.
[ ] F. blushing.
[ ] G. BMW.
[ ] H. __________________________________

16. A favorite winter sporting activity of mine would be . . .

[ ] A. gliding gracefully down snow-covered hills on my skis.
[ ] B. gliding gracefully down snow-covered hills on my kiester.
[ ] C. gliding gracefully down to the bear-skin rug in front of the fireplace with my hot spiced wine.
[ ] D. gliding gracefully into the airport to head south.
[ ] E. hibernating.
[ ] F. __________________________________

17. I could be a centerfold for . . .

[ ] A. Playboy.
[ ] B. Seventeen.
[ ] C. The Wall Street Journal.
[ ] D. The AARP Journal.
[ ] E. Rolling Stone.
[ ] F. Field and Stream.
[ ] G. Easy Rider.
[ ] H. __________________________________

18. My idea of a real stud-muffin is . . .

[ ] A. Macaulay Culkin.
[ ] B. Hugh Grant.
[ ] C. Mel Gibson.
[ ] D. Sean Connery.
[ ] E. Marlon Brando.
[ ] F. __________________________________

19. On any given day, my purse might contain . . .

[ ] A. a really embarrassing driver's license.
[ ] B. much more makeup than I really need.
[ ] C. birth control devices.
[ ] D. an address book.
[ ] E. addresses and phone numbers scribbled on assorted scraps of paper.
[ ] F. a photo of my kids.
[ ] G. a photo of my ex.
[ ] H. Kleenex.
[ ] I. used Kleenex.
[ ] J. much more than I really need.
[ ] K. -- what purse?
[ ] L. __________________________________

20. My favorite card game is . . .

[ ] A. poker.
[ ] B. video poker.
[ ] C. hearts.
[ ] D. bridge.
[ ] E. Visa, MasterCard, American Express . . .
[ ] F. __________________________________

21. Sexually, I could be compared to a . . .

[ ] A. rabbit.
[ ] B. tortoise.
[ ] C. rock.
[ ] D. __________________________________

22. The home appliance I couldn't live without is . . .

[ ] A. the telephone.
[ ] B. the television.
[ ] C. the stereo.
[ ] D. the microwave.
[ ] E. the computer.
[ ] F. __________________________________

23. Although multitalented, one of my very special abilities is . . .

[ ] A. being able to touch my nose with my tongue.
[ ] B. giving a fabulous back-rub.
[ ] C. receiving a fabulous back-rub.
[ ] D. censored.
[ ] E. _________________________________

24. My sense of humor leans toward . . .

[ ] A. The Three Stooges.
[ ] B. Seinfeld.
[ ] C. Jim Carrey.
[ ] D. Lucy.
[ ] E. the American political process.
[ ] F. what I'm reading here, of course.
[ ] G. __________________________________

25. I'm taking this quiz because . . .

[ ] A. I'm completely bored.
[ ] B. I want that grand prize.
[ ] C. __________________________________

I think that's quite enough for one sitting, wouldn't you? And, congratulations for making it this far. Except those of you that skipped right down here -- shame on you!

Ed in 50 words or less (want more? just ask): 39, SWJM, 5'9", 170#, dark & gray (the hair, that is), hazel, never married but emotionally available, and no kids (yet). And, some miscellaneous adjectives: casual, cute, creative, cynical, eccentric, generous, honest, humorous, intelligent, monogamous, persistent, quiet, romantic, sensitive, sensual, traditional. Oh, and currently located in Ohio (although that's flexible given the proper "incentives"). Naturally, there's a few negative ones too, but you'd hardly expect me to mention them here, would you?

And, what am I hoping to find here? In simplest terms: my kindred spirit. At least moderately brilliant, and also emotionally available without too much baggage. A woman who is also looking for that permanent partnership, and able/willing to at least consider the idea of spawning at some point.

Send your responses, and I'll get your grading back as soon as possible. Haven't decided yet if I'll be grading on a "curve." Who knows, maybe you can advance to Romance 201!

Introduction • The Original Ad
Q&A 1-5 • Q&A 6-10 • Q&A 11-15 • Q&A 16-20 • Q&A 21-25